Nancy Pelosi hands "Fatty" Hastert his WALKING PAPERS

EMBELLISHMENT: ...A visibly upset Fatty Hastert lunged at the Speaker Elect, swinging at her (and missing) with a wooden mallet which he had snuck into the House under his chin(s). Before he could lunge at Speaker Pelosi a second time, he was tackled and subdued by Capitol Police. House Speaker Pelosi was not injured. A spokesperson for Hastert said Tuesday's election losses had "weighed heavily" on him, and that he "may have been on meth..." (methamphetamines.) Or Ambien, and alcohol. -Herb