George W. Bush -- Resume'

We found an old draft-copy of Gee-Dub's actual resume', [!], which is excerpted here... it's shorter (with commentary):

President George W. Bush[Son of President George H.W. Bush!]

Accomplishments as president: (edited)

Attacked and took over two third-world countries, using the United States armed forces... (and then somehow LOST!)

Spent a massive surplus (trillions!) and bankrupted the U.S. Treasury. (Oops!)

First president in decades to (gladly!) execute a federal prisoner. (Al was runnin' that.)

First President in US history to enter office with a criminal record. (It was a "felony," though...)

First year in office set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in US history. (I love "The GoGos!")

After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, presided over (allowed) the worst security failure in US history: 9/11. (I was clearin' brush that... "oops.")

Set the record for more campaign fund-raising trips than any other president in US history. (In your airplane! AF-1)

In my first two years in office over 2.7 million Americans lost their jobs. (It's a new kinda "economy...")

Appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any president in US history. (Just Watergaters & Iran Contrans)

Set the record for the least amount of press conferences than any president since the advent of television. (Those things are hard, man!)

Signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than any president in US history. ('needed fixin'!)

Presided over the biggest (contrived - enron) energy crises in US history and refused to intervene when corruption was revealed. ("supposedly")

Presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history and refused to use the national reserves as past presidents have. (High prices are good with OIL, right?)

Cut healthcare benefits for war veterans. (They were freeloadin', Karl said...)

Set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind. (http://www.hyperreal.org/~dana/marches/)

Dissolved more international treaties than any president in US history... (all by my-self!)

Most secretive, reckless, un-ethical, and un-accountable presidency of any in US history. ("Leadership...")

First president in US history to have all 50 states of the Union simultaneously go bankrupt. (Oops.)

Presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud of any market in any country in the history of the world. (Ever!)

First president in US history to order a US attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation. ("--'tried to kill my daddy.")

Created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the United States.

Set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any president in US history. ('cool, I charged it!)

First president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the Human Rights Commission. (What?)

First president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the elections monitoring board. (Shit!)

Removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of congressional oversight than any presidential administration in US history. (Karl helped set that one up...)

Rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant. (Hee-hee!)

Refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war and by default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions. (No way dude! I'm special... "'different kinda-war.")

First president in US history to refuse United Nations election inspectors [during the 2002 US elections]. ('02... That one was pretty "fair?")

All-time US (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign donations. ($) ($$) ($$$!)

My biggest life-time campaign contributor presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history [Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation]. ("Kenny Boy!" Oh, sorry.)

Spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in US history. (I'm a gut-ter... 'I dont - do - polls!)

First president in US history to unilaterally attack a sovereign nation against the will of the United Nations and the world community.

First president to run and hide when the US came under attack [and then lied saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1].
(Dick - had it all under control, heh-heh.)

First US president to establish a secret shadow government. (Dick - again...)

Took the biggest world sympathy for the US after 911, and in less than a year made the US the most resented country in the world ['biggest diplomatic failure in US and world history]. ('what they say...)

With a policy of 'dis-engagement' created the most hostile Israeli-Palestine relations in at least 30 years. (It's called "stability," they'll learn.)

First US president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and stability. Many people consider me a bigger threat to world peace than Saddam. (Wha'--?)

First US president in history to have the people of South Korea more threatened by the US than their immediate neighbor, North Korea. ("Il?" "He's short!")

Changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts. (My pals are - all - C-O-O-L!)

Set all-time record for number of administration appointees who violated US law by not selling huge investments in corporations bidding for government contracts. ('honest-mistake?)

Failed to fulfill my pledge to get Osama Bin Laden 'dead or alive'. (Saddam used poison on-his-own-people... So? --you!)

Failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the leaders of our country at the United States Capitol building. After 18 months I have no leads and zero suspects. (Those were Democrats & journalists. Those "leaders!")

In the 18 months following the 911 attacks, successfully prevented any public investigation into the biggest security failure in the history of the United States. (Dude... I was on vacation... so...)

Removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other president in US history. (The ACLU is librul. So, well... )

In a little over two years created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided the US has ever been since the civil war. (Gay marriage'll... ruin the country, think about it.)

Entered office with the strongest economy in US history and in less than two years turned every single economic category heading straight down. (For the lil' people, maybe.)