Bill Maher was on Hardball Tuesday

Bill Maher, Tuesday, was on msnbc's Hardball w/
Chris Matthews [pictured->]:

HERE'S THE TRANSCRIPT
[w/ Bush-clip intro]:

[-VIDEO CLIP-]
GEORGE W. BUSH, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: "I want to tell you this about the decision—about my decision about troop levels. Those decisions will be based on a calm assessment by our military commanders on the conditions on the ground, not a nervous reaction by Washington politicians to poll results and the media."
[-END VIDEO CLIP-]
MATTHEWS: So he‘s selling the country on staying in Iraq until the end of his term, then planning on cleaning up financially—quote, “to replenish the ol‘ coffers.” In a moment, Bill Maher, host of HBO‘s “Real Time With Bill Maher,” will be joining us.
:::
MATTHEWS: (Y)ou can‘t make this stuff up.
Anyway, Bill Maher‘s back in action on HBO with “Real Time With Bill Maher.” And lucky for us, he‘s back on HARDBALL. Bill, thank you for joining us. It‘s rip (ph) and read (ph) time...
(LAUGHTER)
MATTHEWS: I mean, what do you make of this case in Senator Specter, the ranking Republican on the Judiciary Committee, is talking about the comeback of Larry Craig.
BILL MAHER, “REAL TIME”: Well, I‘m glad somebody is, Chris. You know, I mean, we‘ve all had layovers in airports, and there‘s just really very little to do. You know, the newsstand is closed, the Cinnabon is closed. You have three hours to kill. The flights get delayed. You‘re going to have some sex in the bathroom, Chris.
MATTHEWS: Well, it is interesting that the Republicans are planning their next convention next summer in Minneapolis. It is coming. They‘re coming back to the scene of the crime.
MAHER: It‘s also where the bridge fell down. I think this may be the one year the Democrats can pull out a victory. That to me is an omen, when the Republicans are in the one state where the bridge fell down and one of their senators gets caught in the men‘s room.
MATTHEWS: Let‘s take a look at a clip from HBO‘s “Real Time With Bill Maher.” You played a sound bite, thank you, of us watching Larry Craig talk about Bill Clinton back in—let‘s put it (INAUDIBLE) I like going in circles here. This is you watching us, us watching you watching us.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
MAHER: Look at what Larry Craig says and then look at the look on Chris Matthews‘s face when he gets done talking.
CRAIG: The Senate certainly can bring about a censure resolution, and it‘s a slap on the wrist. It‘s a, Bad boy, Bill Clinton. You‘re a naughty boy. The American people already know that Bill Clinton is a bad boy, a naughty boy. I‘m going to speak out for the citizens of my state, who in the majority think that Bill Clinton is probably even a nasty, bad naughty boy.
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
MAHER: He‘s got everything but the Charles Nelson Reilly (DELETED) over there. You naughty bad boy!
(END VIDEO CLIP)
MATTHEWS: How many syllables are there in “boy” when that guy says it? Isn‘t it amazing, the way he pronounces words, Larry Craig, “boy”? It‘s an amazing—I heard he went to some sort of elocution school.
Let me ask you about the serious business. The president, of course, has been beating the drum for this September report that‘s coming out next week from the Army, from Petraeus, after it gets written by the White House speech writers. And there he is this weekend, getting another photo op with the courageous troops and he‘s stopping by. What did you make of that, compared to the word we got this weekend that Bush is already planning a speaking tour to make what he calls a big chance to fill his coffers?
MAHER: Well, you know, when you have to make a secret trip to Iraq, I think probably your surge plan isn‘t really working. Is it working in the sense that we can stop violence in different pockets because we have a kick-ass army? Yes. Yes, they can do that. But this has always been about forming a government in Iraq and having an Iraqi army that could back up the will of that government. And that‘s not happening.
And by the way, he‘s on a base, a giant base that we took over from Saddam that apparently we‘re planning to keep. That is the problem of the bigger war. Can we win the battle of the surge in any one area? Yes. But what about the bigger wars, Iraq and the war on terror? It seems to me, if we all remember, why did bin Laden get so mad at us in the first place? It was because we had bases in Saudi Arabia, in the heart of the Arab world. We‘re just repeating that same mistake. We‘re not winning any bigger wars, we‘re winning a small battle.
MATTHEWS: But you know, let‘s give President Bush credit. He‘s a conservative, and one thing you and I agree, conservatives tend to be pretty good when it comes to tribe. They understand tribal tendencies, ethnic prejudices, you know? He doesn‘t seem to understand why the Islamic people in that part of the world would have a problem with us landing 150,000 troops over there and building a permanent base in their world. He doesn‘t seem to understand the instinct they have to get us—the tissue rejection that they‘d feel toward us. He doesn‘t get it, it seems.
MAHER: Right, Chris, because he‘s not a reader. He didn‘t think he had to learn anything about Iraq before he invaded it because he prayed about it, and people who pray about something, Chris, don‘t need to learn. They don‘t need to talk to experts or Arabs or prime ministers or ambassadors. They talk directly to Jesus. Case closed.
MATTHEWS: Well, I think you‘re trying to find a collaborator here with the president. Let me ask you about this odd interview he did. We‘re going to have the author, Robert Draper, on in a minute, Bill. But this book—it‘s an odd thing that he sat for these interviews. But here he is, while he‘s sending men and women to fight, and we‘ve lost—we‘re going to lose 4,000 people by the end of this war that he said wouldn‘t even happen and we were going to be greeted as liberators, and he‘s already talking about the bucks he‘s going to make on the lecture circuit.
It strikes me as something that, just politically, he shouldn‘t be talking about while we have gold star mothers out there and gold star mothers-to-be in the next year and three months, and more mothers having kids killed. And he‘s talking about how he‘s going to make money off his experiences as president?
MAHER: Right. Not to mention the Iraqis that have been killed—you know, the ones that he said that they should be grateful for what America brought them. Maybe that‘s why he has to make a secret trip. He doesn‘t want to get mobbed by fans over there. He has so many fans in Iraq. He‘s more popular there than he is here, Chris.
MATTHEWS: Well, let me ask you about the politics. Have you decided who you want to see as our next president, Bill?
MAHER: You know, I never really answer that question. I try to be coy about it because I do run a show where I try to have all the candidates on...
MATTHEWS: OK, let me try it this way. Who couldn‘t you stand as our next president?
MAHER: Oh, well, where do I begin?
MATTHEWS: OK, would you like Mike Gravel to be president? Mike Gravel—can you see him in the White House?
MAHER: Well, we had Mike Gravel on our show Friday night.
MATTHEWS: I know. That‘s why I‘m asking you, because you don‘t need him now. You‘ve had him.
MAHER: He‘s a straighter shooter than most of them. Who I couldn‘t stand to see in the White House is another person, excuse me, like the one we have now. And to me, that‘s Fred Thompson, that‘s Rudy Giuliani, that‘s anybody who keeps it way, way, way too simple for the complex times we‘re living in.
MATTHEWS: Yes.
MAHER: You know, what is it with Thompson? Why are they crazy about
him? He‘s another guy who gets up there and says, You know what? I got
the horse sense. I don‘t need to learn a heck of a lot. You know, they‘re
“Lazy like a fox” is the cover of “Newsweek” this week.
MATTHEWS: Yes.
MAHER: And he‘s another guy who says, I can kill or deport everybody who scares you. That‘s the kind of tough guy I am. But that‘s not the kind of world we live in. The bad guys don‘t have armies. You can‘t kill and deport everybody who scares us. You have to handle it in a little different way. Takes a little explaining to the American people, and that‘s what these guys don‘t want to do.
MATTHEWS: How do we find a person who—because we don‘t know what the questions are going to be, you and I don‘t know them. A year or two from now, president‘s going to be hit, whoever he is—or she is—is going to be hit with questions we can‘t even figure out what the questions are, let alone the answers. How do you find a person who has good judgment, who can sift through things as they come along, based upon history, based upon experience, based upon the best kind of intuition put together with the best kind of training? How do you find that person? Is there one running like that?
MAHER: Right. There‘s no sure formula because we live in a country where you never really can get a straight answer out of a politician, and that‘s something we have to take on ourselves because they have to pander. If you tell the truth to the people, the people can‘t take the truth and they won‘t elect you to anything. So you have to kind of read between the lines.
Look, you can kind of tell when someone is an intelligent person because they can string together a sentence. We showed on our show Friday night the Miss Teen South Carolina clip of her speaking about why...
MATTHEWS: I saw it. Oh, it‘s so sad.
MAHER: ... why “U.S. Americans” can‘t locate the United States on a map, and apparently, it‘s because there‘s a terrible map shortage in this country.
MATTHEWS: No, she apparently got about...
(CROSSTALK)
MATTHEWS: somebody gave her five things to mention and put them in a sentence, like, use a sentence including the words, the Iraq, South Africa, the U.S. I mean, it was like she had five words, put them in a sentence. I didn‘t understand what she was talking about.
MAHER: But Chris, what‘s sad is that when we showed the clip of George Bush in the 2004 debates answering a question about Indian tribal sovereignty, he sounded exactly like her!
(LAUGHTER)
MATTHEWS: OK. Bill Maher, “Real Time,” everybody loves it, 11:00 o‘clock Friday nights on HBO. He says things, talks about things we don‘t dare to get near. A great show. Bill, thank you for joining us very much.
MAHER: Thank you, Chris. You‘ll be on it soon!
MATTHEWS: I can‘t wait. I am coming out there to be on. Thank you.
Coming up: picking Bush‘s brain. George W. tells of his plans after he leaves the White House. Wait until you hear how he‘s talking about how he‘s going to spend his time. Right after leaving, he‘s going to try to catch up to Clinton and Daddy when it comes to making money. [speaking on lecture-circuit?]
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Betcha-forgot, Herb.