I think: A PARROT COULD PROBABLY RUN ALASKA... A Keith Olberman "Election Comment" on Sarah Palin... [msnbc transcript]

KEITH OLBERMAN: So tonight, as promised, a Campaign Comment on the continuing adventures of Governor Sarah Palin in the big leagues or "Are You Smarter Than A Third Grader."

[Clips of Palin / Olberman comments]

1) QUESTION: Finally governor we've been trying to engage some local grade-schoolers for the last few elections. We do a feature called ‘questions from the third grade.' Brandon Garcia wants to know, "What does the Vice President do?"

PALIN: "Aw, that's something that Piper would ask me, as a second grader, also. That's a great question, Brandon, and a Vice President has a really great job, because not only are they there to support the President agenda, they're like a team member, the teammate to that President. But also, they're in charge of the United States Senate, so if they want to they can really get in there with the Senators and make a lot of good policy changes that will make life better for Brandon and his family and his classroom. And it's a great job and I look forward to having that job."

Oh! I'm so sorry, Governor! The correct answer can be found in the Constitution of the United States.
Article One, Section Three— "The Vice President of the United States shall be President of the Senate, but shall have no Vote, unless they be equally divided." So, the Vice President is not in charge of Jack, Governor, let alone in charge of the Senate. And you are not smarter than a third-grader.
On the one level it is hilarious and entertaining that the Republican nominee cannot correctly answer the question "What Does The Vice President Do?" I mean, that first reference to the Vice President comes not 600 words into the Constitution. And the other meaty references are pretty simple:
Article Two, Section One —"In case of the removal of the President from Office, or of his death, resignation, or inability to discharge the Powers and Duties of the said Office, the same shall devolve on the Vice President."
There's the 20th Amendment— you're done on January 20th and the 25th Amendment —if the President's incapacitated, you're the acting Pres. It's so simple, really, one could memorize those four points pretty easily wouldn't take long.

Brandon Garcia could do it in the third grade. So, on the one level, this is pretty damn silly. The Sarah Palin material, as Tina Fey might be able to say, just writes itself. As it does, it makes stupid mistakes, but it still writes itself.
Except there are two very serious aspects to this. Governor, do you really think you'd be "in charge of the United States Senate?" Do you really want to suggest that you think if you "want to" you "can really get in there with the Senators and make a lot of good policy changes?"
We're just wrapping up eight years of a Vice President who had no clue what his damned job consisted of, couldn't even correctly find his governmental branch with both hands.
The last thing anybody in this country wants, Republican or Democrat, is another Buccaneer in there, making it up as they go along, and, in your case, presuming you can stride in to the Senate and change policy if you want to! Besides which, Governor, exactly how on earth could you not have the correct answer by now?
It's not like this is the first time you've been asked about the Vice Presidency and gone all Miss South Carolina on us.

2) LARRY KUDLOW: Is this police-flap state investigation going to disqualify you from becoming Senator McCain's vice presidential candidate?

PALIN: "As for that VP talk all the time, I'll tell you, I still can't answer that question until somebody answers for me what is it exactly that the VP does every day? I'm used to being very productive and working real hard in an administration. We want to make sure that that VP slot would be a fruitful type of position, especially for Alaskans and for the things that we're trying to accomplish up here for the rest of the U.S., before I can even start addressing that question."

That was on the 31st of July on CNBC, Governor. Even giving you the biggest benefit of the doubt, that your later claim that that was just a lame attempt at a joke you couldn't come up with the correct job description on the second try? What am I saying? The third try!

3) GWEN IFILL (OCTOBER 2, 2008): Governor, you said in July that someone would have to explain to you exactly what it is the vice president does every day.

PALIN: "In my comment there, it was a lame attempt at a joke and yours was a lame attempt at a joke, too, I guess, because nobody got it...Of course we know what a vice president does. And that's not only to preside over the Senate and will take that position very seriously also. I'm thankful that the Constitution would allow a bit more authority given to the vice president if that vice president so chose to exert it in working with the Senate and making sure that we are supportive of the president's policies and making sure too that our president understands what our strengths are."

No! No, Governor, the Constitution does not allow "a bit more authority" "if the vice president so chose to exert it in working with the Senate..." You would not be some kind of Senatorial Hall Monitor. You would not be a Veto, or a Censor, or a Balance.
And even if you think you would somehow obtain those powers from somebody, don't pretend the Constitution will give them to you!

4) PALIN: "...That, thankfully, our founders were wise enough to say, we have this position and it's Constitutional. Vice presidents will be able to be not only the position flexible, but it's going to be sort of those other duties as assigned by the president. It's a simple thing. I don't think that was a gaff at all in stating what the truth is. And that is we've got flexibility in the position. The president will be directing in a lot of respects what the vice president does. The vice president, of course, is not a member—or a part of the legislative branch, except to oversee the Senate. That alone provides a tremendous amount of flexibility and authority if that vice president so chose to use it."

You're wrong! You've memorized everything else, Governor. You couldn't memorize the job description in three months? Four tries? I mean, I'd like my President and Vice President to have memorized the Constitution, and abide by it. Or at least, I'd like them to know more about the Constitution than I do. Or than Brandon Garcia does. Maybe I'm raising the bar too high but at least wait until you achieve office before trying to seize power extra-Constitutionally!
"The founders" were not George Bush and Dick Cheney! Gimme something to work with here, Governor or go home! And don't forget to take your lovely parting gifts with you. Including the Home Version of The Vice President Game. -END-

SARAH PALIN: Railin' Failin', Flailin', Nailin', Jailin', and Bailin'... (?)

KEITH OLBERMAN, from MSNBC's "COUNTDOWN":
A "Special Comment" on failin' & flailin' Sarah Palin:

K. Olberman: Last Wednesday, Sheriff's deputies arrived at the home of a woman in Akron, Ohio named Addie Polk, in order to evict her. After 38 years in that house, Ms. Polk had fallen behind on paying the mortgage. It was so bad that the company that held that mortgage, Fannie Mae, had foreclosed.
In fact, it was far worse than anybody knew. Addie Polk couldn't bear it any more. So, rather than be evicted, she shot herself in the chest.
Evidently she will survive... Addie Polk is 90 years old.
In the self-pronounced area of expertise of the Governor of Alaska—energy—the real experts of both parties are at a loss to figure out any way, even'drill, baby, drill', that might lower gas prices before 2018. We are at war in two countries and a lame duck President with no reason to check his own imbalance still has dreams of one more.
And a 90-year-old woman, trapped in the middle of a financial meltdown, shoots herself and she's still in better shape than the economy. Yet, the Governor of Alaska wants to talk about somebody Barack Obama doesn't know very well, and what this somebody Barack Obama doesn't know very well, did, during the year Obama was eight and the Governor of Alaska was in pre-Kindergarten.
And she wants to talk about Reverend Jeremiah Wright. And she doesn't object to being introduced with a reference to Barack Obama's middle name. Well, this is my suggestion. In much the same way we, America, in the corporate persona of Fannie Mae, have forgiven poor Addie Polk of Akron, Ohio.
We, America, also need to forgive poor Sarah Palin of Wasilla, Alaska. They are both in situations that are beyond their ability to cope. They are both stuck in a crucible caused by forces they cannot comprehend. They are both unable to understand what they are doing.
After stumbling through a clumsier version of it at Englewood, Colorado, the Governor of Alaska said Saturday at Carson, California:
"Our opponent is someone who sees America as imperfect enough to pal around with terrorists who targeted their own country.”
She later defended the remark by adding this was an "association that has been known but hasn't been talked about.”
Governor, Conservative groups have thus far spent ten million dollars this year trying to make something, anything, out of the brief interaction on a charity board between Sen. Obama, and a rehabilitated former domestic radical from the '60s and not even Conservatives have been stupid enough to buy the snake oil, that this was either a close relationship or a nefarious one.
But of course, you know better, Governor. You're smarter than the rest of us. A reporter asks you a horrible gotcha question like'which newspapers do you read' and it takes you four days to come up with an answer, and somehow it's the reporter's fault.
The reporter asks you to name one Supreme Court ruling with which you disagree other than Roe vs. Wade and even though you'd commented on just such a case from Alaska no less not three months ago your eyes turn into a big neon sign reading "Vacancy” and you insist it's because that evil media asked the wrong question.
So you're the genius Governor, and it's your supporters and the undecided voters who are the dopes who are now going to believe the same mickey-mouse crap that Sen. Clinton couldn't get to stick, and Sean Hannity couldn't get to stick, just because it's you adding that word "terrorist” and that phrase "palling around” and dropping the "g” in pal-ling.
And of course, Governor, those same dopes, and we media morons, we are not smart enough to ask about that pesky Alaskan Independence Party, and why you recorded a speech for its convention last March, and why your husband remained a registered member of it until 2002, even though it was founded by a man named Joe Vogler who wanted Alaska to secede from the United States. The way the South seceded, precipitating the Civil War.
The same Joe Vogler who once said:
"The fires of hell are frozen glaciers compared to my hatred for the American government, and I won't be buried under their damn flag.”
And who also said:
"I'm an Alaskan, not an American. I've got no use for America or her damned institutions.”
Shoot, Governor, them's strong words, hah? Did he wink as he said 'em? You betcha! So, where does Joe Vogler rank on the scales of "terrorists who would target their own country?" Your opponent's guy Ayers wound up on a volunteer anti-poverty committee in Chicago.
But your guy Vogler wound up founding a group that wanted to rip one of the stars off the American flag! Well, ok, Governor, Vogler's more your husband's guy. So it's your husband who's been "palling around with terrorists who would target their own country.”
But I'm assuming you've been "palling around” with your husband. But, gee willikers, Governor, you know what's best. You're not one of these Washington insiders who would notice that though that's a straight line connecting you, your husband, and this Alaskan secessionist, you're*standing under a banner with the campaign slogan "Country First” and if somebody out there puts two and two together they might just ask, "which Country dja mean? The Country of Alaska?”
"The heels are on,” you said with another smile. "The gloves are off.”
Well, if you're telling William Kristol you want to talk about Jeremiah Wright fer sure! So, Governor you don't mind addressing whether this Pastor Muthee is a terrorist? Do you? We've told you before about Pastor Thomas Muthee.
He's the preacher who visited the Wasilla Assembly of God church a couple of times while the Governor was there, ironically enough, just about as many times as Bill Ayres has met Barack Obama and, see, there was this one time where Pastor Muthee actually laid hands on the Governor.
And I'm sure that sounds like just some crazy anecdote, except there's videotape. And of course the Governor talked about this moment, the laying on of hands, just last summer.
It was in October, 2005, as the video indicates, when Muthee put his hands on Sarah Palin's back and said, "make a way for Sarah, even in the political arena. Make a way, my God. Bring finances her way, even if for the campaign in the name of Jesus.
"Every form of witchcraft, it will be rebuked in the name of Jesus. Father, make her way now. "
And the Governor said that "bold” approach of Pastor Muthee was one of the reasons she became Governor and she gives him just oodles of credit for puttin' her on the path.
The problem for the governor is that in 1999 The Christian Science Monitor reported that Pastor Muthee had gotten his start a decade earlier in Kenya, in the Nairobi suburb of Kiambu.
Kimabu was crime-ridden. So this character Muthee showed up, and announced it was the fault of this woman in town who he had decided was a witch. And Muthee gave the witch a choice: either be saved, or get out of town.
And the woman initially chose none of the above, but this became less than a viable option when Muthee got 200 of the townspeople together and they decided, heck, you know, Muthee's right, she probably is a witch, and the next thing you know the police are raiding her house and reportedly shooting her snake because if she was a witch, the snake had to be a demon, and then the woman left town and everybody said crime went down and most of the bars closed and this is not only how Pastor Muthee got started but he's proud of it and he tells the story in his testimonial videotapes and people in that church in Wasilla where he laid hands on the Governor knew all about it.
And they think it was just a Joe-Six-Pack, Hockey Mom kinda thing to do, to let a guy who branded some woman in Kenya a witch, demand that God make some different woman the Governor of Alaska!
Governor, what would you call someone who arrives in a suburb, blames a resident for the local crime, organizes a mob to threaten the woman, convinces the authorities to go and raid her home, and then chases her out of the suburb?
C'mon Governor, just give us one answer that has something to do with the question you were just asked. That's right you'd call him a terrorist. And since it was in his own country, that would make himmmm? Yes, very good, a domestic terrorist.
So, you, Governor, you've been "palling around with terrorists who would target their own country.” Say it ain't so, Gov! Say it ain't so! Of course it is.
The Governor of Alaska ignores Addie Polk and the American tragedy that is a 90-year old woman shooting herself out of shame and panic and who knows what else. Over the mortgage!
Instead the Governor of Alaska wants to start calling people terrorists and insisting of Sen. Obama that quote "this is not a man who sees America like you and I see America” and whose rhetoric like that, and the "pallin' around with terrorists” line were rightly described by the Associated Press yesterday as a wolf-in-sheep's-clothing kind of way of slipping racism into the equation, because it's a nifty trick to remind the white folk that (psst) Obama is black.
But overriding this sleaziness and dog-gone it, the Governor of Alaska has got to be the sleaziest politician working the stage at the moment, there is the sheer blessed stupidity of letting herself become the bomb-thrower when her own life is full of domestic terrorists.
Governor? Bill Ayres? Your hubby was in this secessionist hate group for which you recorded a video.
Governor? Jeremiah Wright? That pastor you credit with helping you become Governor, is either a con man or a psycho who believes he can tell which woman in the village is the witch, and which woman is the governor.
And Governor, there's also "The U.S. Council On World Freedom.” You should ask Sen. McCain about that outfit and why he had to scat away from it 22 years ago.
Or, ask him why yesterday his own brother Joe referred to Northern Virginia as quote "communist country.” Or you could ask him about Pastors John Hagee and Rod Parsley. Or about why Sen. McCain said about introducing Jeremiah Wright into this campaign, "there's no place for that kind of campaigning, the American people don't want it, period.”
Or don't ask. You know best. You're the one selling the patent medicine. Those of us out here, we're just the suckers pulling out our greenbacks. Go on talking about this man Ayers and trying to link Obama to that word "terrorist.”
But be prepared for others to ask you about your pastor and terrorism. And for still others to ask you about the First Dude and terrorism. But not me, Governor.
I forgive you. You are about as guilty here as poor Ms. Addie Polk in Akron. And I hope that after what you've done to yourself, you recover as well as she seems to be doing, and that you too get to go back and live in your own home again.
Because if you think the terrorism con, and the racism sting are going to do anything but bury you and Sen, McCain, you need to pick up one of those how-many-ever newspapers you reed and check the headlines to find out what people are really worried about right now.
Otherwise, when you said "the heels are on, the gloves are off,” you got as close to telling the truth as you've ever gotten, and without really knowing it.
Because, for you and Sen. McCain, Governor, it's not the gloves that just came off.
Obviously—it's the wheels.
(K. Olberman) --END--

Jesus Christ! ...God... Damnit!